No Hair

My hair fell out this past week. At first it came out kind of slowly, then one day I ran my fingers through it and a whole handful came out. Yuck. I had this idea that I would treat it really cautiously and not wash it as much and that I would wear hats and hang on to it as long as I could. But even short hair gets all over the place and is messy and annoying. It was everywhere and a constant reminder of what was yet to come.

So, I had Ben shave it off. Actually it was his idea and it was very sweet of him to do it. I was much more traumatized than he was. Somehow I thought that I would be ok with it, that I was prepared to be bald for a while, that it would be a nice change of pace or something. I was surprised that I was so sad to lose my hair, so sad. I thought I would be ok with wearing hats, so I tried wearing a hat to work all of last week. The problem is when you're a bald person wearing a hat, you really just look like a bald person wearing a hat. I mean, it's so obvious and I felt pretty self conscious.

So, I bought a wig yesterday and I wore it all day and then to a party last night and I felt soooo much better. I don't know exactly, but for me I think that the self-consciousness that accompanies being bald is a constant reminder to me that I'm in this predicament that I'm in. I mean, sometimes I just wanna forget about it for a minute, that's all. It's tiring, this disease. It's all encompassing. Everything in your life shifts. I mean it's good, but it's tiring. All the talking, researching, writing, reading, doctors, scheduling, testing, not to mention just coping with the side effects of the treatment.

Everyone I've talked to has said they bought the wig and never really wore it. I myself am going to wear the shit out of this wig. I'm going to do everything except sleep in it.

Chemo Treatment #2

Susan's sister Ann and her mother were in town this past week to chaperone her second chemo treatment, which by all accounts went well, no anaphylactic shock, no 10-hour inpatient wait. Her white blood cell count is still good, as well. She's got a surprising amount of energy, working 8-hour-plus days most of last week. She gets tired more quickly, but otherwise looks and acts quite healthy. She's been really vigilant about supplementing her medication with a lot of immune boosters and vitamineral greens.



We bought a juicer and have been going to town on it. The best mix so far has been celery-carrot-radish-spinach-parsley-cucumber-apple. You could throw and old shoe in there and cucumber would still balance out the taste.

Susan's sister has been a great source of advice since she went through Hodgkin's Lymphoma and chemo four years ago. I'd love to make some sort of sibling rivalry joke here, but can't think of anything particularly clever. Ann had two young kids and a job while undergoing chemo, so she kinda wins this round anyway.

Friends have been dropping by on a pretty regular basis, which has been a great help. To those of you that have been thinking about it, give Susan a call and stop by. I'm sure as the treatments progress she's going to need more and more support.